Looking Forward to 2018
Last night while at home, I was reflecting on my 2017. It was not a good year. Don't get me wrong, there were good times, and this isn't going to be a negative post (because we all know that I'm not about that). But it is going to be a chance for me to share with all of you the mistakes that I made in 2017 that ultimately affected my health in a very serious way in hopes that you and I can grow from them.
I went into 2017 already in a major UC flare and my J-pouch at risk for dying. I had completed about 22 hyperbaric oxygen treatments, a course of Tindamax, trips to the hospital, more steroid, more 5-ASA, more stress and worrying. I was in a bad place at this time last year, physically and emotionally. I was ready for a new year, a new start.
The difference between me then and me now are influencers. I am such a strong believer in energy. If I've learned one thing from being "sick," it's that my relationships with important people in my life are the biggest factors in how I'm feeling. Really, it's stress. But I've come to realize that the biggest stressor in my life is how the people that I care about most feel about me. Those people don't just have to be my best friends and family, but unfortunately, they are also people that could be considered parasitic.
One of my biggest flaws is seeing the good in people that time and time again have shown me that they are not good. Not good for my emotional health, therefore not good for my physical health.
Going into 2017, I had so many people in my life that were parasites. People that I allowed to dominate the way I was feeling. I let them affect me in ways that I shouldn't have. I let them have control over me.
It's sad, but in 2017, I was so lost. Both personally and professionally. I was so confused why I was there. I was frustrated, angry, sad, and scared. I worked so hard on relationships and my career last year and many of them ultimately ended up failing for one reason or another. They were relationships and a career that didn't deserve the attention that I gave them. That didn't deserve me being sick over.
One thing I forgot to care about in 2017? Me. I forgot to care about me.
I have never put myself first. I put my job, my love life, other peoples concerns and worries all before mine. I always have. Even in my darkest days laying in a bed at Aultman Hospital. With a PICC line and in so much pain. The ONLY things I was worried about was how I was going to work, and why my boyfriend at the time was angry at me that day for something I had done wrong.
Regardless of my physical condition, I was more concerned with outside influences.
That's how I have spent the last 5 years of my life. Searching for something to make me happy despite the way I felt physically. Whether that something that I was searching for was good or bad, I didn't care. I spent this year searching for a distraction from past and current pain.
Which is no way to live. From one distraction to another.
Coming to this realization and how it's affected 2017 is ensuring that 2018 will undoubtedly be brighter and filled with more intelligent decisions. Maybe I should begin referring to 2017 as a year of growth. A year of a lot of mistakes, and a lot of learning.
2017 was tough for my family and for a few of my best friends. What I love about my closest circle, is the support that we show to each other regardless of how that person is feeling or what is making them feel that way. In 2018, I know we can continue that support and love for one another.
So, for myself in 2018, I want a clean slate. I want to forget about those that did not serve me well in the past, whether they meant to or not. I'm ready to work on myself in all aspects of my life. I've found such a love for fitness and self-love, and I'm looking forward to continuing that in 2018. I've built quite a strong little business the past few months and I love my clients. I love waking up and working hard for people who truly appreciate what I have to offer.
I'm so happy with the new format for Companion Magazine. I continue to be incredibly inspired and in awe of how many people are willing to contribute and be a part of this community. From a small idea in my head to what it's become, helping thousands of people all over the world, makes me feel really good. Other's stories and strong-will saved my life, so if I can continue to do that with Companion in 2018 and beyond, that I can be proud of. Thank you to everyone - my editors and contributors - that have continued to make this exactly what I envisioned it to be.
Yay for 2018! I promise to love myself more, put myself first, continue to block out negative influences, and welcome positive ones that will propel me into a happier, brighter future.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Much love and happiness,